“Confeshions of a Grammer Junky”
FADE IN:
EXT. STREET – DAY
A less than average 18 year old boy dressed in simple jeans, t-shirt and an anorak. He carries a backpack over his right shoulder. He is followed through the crowd.
GORDON
I’m not entirely sure when this
all started, I always just assumed
I was born this way. I heard that most
of us are.
INTERVIEWER (V.O)
Gordon Bridgeman is one of 2.3% of the
World’s population that suffers from
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, more
commonly known as OCD. Here in the UK
current estimates suggest that 1.2% of
the population will have OCD, which
equates to 12 out of every 1000 people.
Gordon’s obsession isn’t one of the more
common of the disorders. The majority of
sufferers have obsessions with things such
as hygiene and security, but this is where
Gordon differs. Gordon is obsessed with
correct grammar.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Gordon is sitting on the sofa, talking to Interviewer who is behind the camera.
GORDON
I do admit that I tend to struggle with
other peoples’ attitudes towards grammar.
I just feel that if it’s not correct, then
it should be.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Gordon is walking to school
INTERVIEWER (V.O)
Gordon is in his last year of A level
studies. A levels are a hard time for any
young person, therefore for Gordon and his
disorder it is an extremely strenuous time.
GORDON
I do struggle at school. Not many people
understand me. I think it’s because they
don’t like being corrected. I’m just trying
to help them.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
An English language class, the teacher is at the front of the class talking to the students. Gordon is sitting on his own, front and centre surrounded by students looking very uninterested.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
We are currently observing Gordon in his
English Language lesson.
MR TAYLOR
If you remember, your homework was to find
homonyms, so we’re going to put as many as
we can on the board. Brittany can you come
up and scribe for us.
Brittany gets up to the front of the class and is given the pen from Mr Taylor. She accidently writes “Brane Storm” in a cloud in the centre of the board.
GORDON
What is your problem?! That is clearly not
how you spell brainstorm you incompetent
fool! What are you even doing in this class?!
This is A level. How on earth did you get
the grades to even make it here?!
MR TAYLOR
Gordon! Sit down! It was an obvious accident
and there was no need whatsoever for your
little outburst. Your head of year will be
hearing about this.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Gordon struggles to contain his compulsions
when faced with a grammatical error, even
in the mildest of forms.
GORDON
I don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings; I
just tell them they’re wrong. Sometimes I may
say a little too much but they won’t learn
otherwise so it has to be done.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Gordon has very few friends and this is due
to his condition.
GORDON
Not many people like me. I have a couple of
friends and they’re great, but everyone else
bullies me. They’d spell things incorrectly
on purpose, just to wind me up and I really
struggle with that.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Gordon’s bullies call him names maliciously
made up for him, and him only.
GORDON
Names like Gordon-the-moron and Grammar-Junkie,
names like that. I try not to let them get
to me.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Although Gordon claims that the names don’t
affect him, his parents John and Gina
Bridgeman see differently.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
GINA
Some days he’ll come home from school and
go straight up to his bedroom and you won’t
hear a peep out of him until dinner.
JOHN
You know it’s been a bad day for him ‘cause
he’ll come home with a load of newspapers and
he’ll proof read every single one of them.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Gordon had a Facebook account but had to delete
it as he would get bombarded with grammatically
incorrect messages daily. And it’s not just
school that Gordon struggles with. Everywhere
he goes he is confronted with incorrect grammar. Even the simplest of things can set off his
compulsions, such as grocery shopping.
GINA
I really struggle when I have to go shopping.
He simply refuses to use products where the name
is spelt incorrectly. I mean things like Kleenex
he won’t use because “clean” isn’t spelt
correctly.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
It’s because of little compulsions such as these that make home life for Gordon much harder than
it needs to be. This need for words to be spelt correctly spans over to leisure, such as music.
GORDON
I can’t listen to any music by an artist if
their name is spelt wrong. (beat) Any examples?
Well there’s Snoop Dogg. Flo Rida as well,
it’s just Florida with a space in it! I can’t
listen to them. (pause) Kesha. I simply cannot
bring myself to listen to Kesha, I mean she
has a dollar sign instead of an S, it’s just
stupid!
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Not only does it affect Gordon’s home life
and school life, but it also affects him
when he goes out in public.
JOHN
He has been known on a number of occasions
to tell complete strangers that they are wrong.
Even for the smallest of things.
GORDON
I can’t walk past graffiti without checking
it first and if it’s wrong I have to change
it. That’s why I always carry my marker
pens with me.
Gordon removes his marker pens from his rucksack and shows them to the interviewer.
GORDON (CONT’D)
I have them in all sorts of colours, just in
case. The underground places tend to have the
worst amount, but there’s an awful lot in
the toilet cubicles I go in.
GINA
We have to make sure he leave the house at
least 15 minutes earlier than normal, just
in case he gets caught up proof reading
something.
JOHN
If he goes to the toilet in a public, it
can take a while. You know what some of
these stalls can be like.
INT. - PUBLIC TOILETS
Gordon is showing the interviewer some of his corrections.
GORDON
I've seen this person write in cubicles
all over the city. They're particularly
bad at spelling. I presume that this is
spelt “sexy”.
Gordon points to the word “sxc” with slight disgust on his face. He then takes out his marker of corresponding colour and corrects it.
GORDON (CONT'D)
And I suppose this was meant to say “anyone”
Again, Gordon corrects the word with his marker pen.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Gordon's compulsions have occasionally
gotten him into trouble.
INT. Library– DAY
Gordon is sitting at his desk, proof reading a newspaper and twiddling a red pen as he talks to the interviewer.
GORDON
Pretty much all of my teachers have said I
should go into the publishing business.
They said I could be a successful proof reader
or something like that.
EXT. STREET – DUSK
Gordon looking at and editing the board of posters.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Every Sunday Gordon scouts hos local area,
seeking out any incorrect grammar he can find
Unfortunately, we caught up with Gordon just
as things took a turn for the worse.
Gordon's disorder prevents him from fully
understanding his violation of the law.
Regrettably we couldn't get involved.
seeking out any incorrect grammar he can find
Unfortunately, we caught up with Gordon just
as things took a turn for the worse.
Gordon's disorder prevents him from fully
understanding his violation of the law.
Regrettably we couldn't get involved.
A policeman appears next to Gordon and begins talking to him. Gordon is then shown argueing with the policeman, pointing vigorously at the board. The policeman asks Gordon to stand up against the wall and arrests him. They begin to walk towards the camera. As they get closer the policeman puts his hand up to the camera and asks them to stop filming.
Cut to black.
TEXT ON SCREEN
Gordon was given an £80 fine on-the-spot
for the “graffiti” on the posters and held
at the police station for 24 hours for the
offence.
Gordon has agreed to go to therapy in an
attempt to reduce his compulsions.
Fade out.
END
I'm really pleased with my final draft of the script. I've done some filming already, the last scene where Gordon gets arrested.
This took almost a minute so I feel that a even more of the scenes in the script may have to be cut from the mockumentary in order to fit between the time length limit.
This took almost a minute so I feel that a even more of the scenes in the script may have to be cut from the mockumentary in order to fit between the time length limit.
